It’s been over 3 months since I’ve really talked to you, and over a year since I found you. It’s time to say how I feel, since you haven’t really responded in nearly 3 months it’s time. I just have one question for you, and it is simply, why?

Why? Why did you disappear? You told me you’d be there If I needed you, and you disappeared. All I wanted was to try to build something with you. I know you weren’t ready, at least for me at the time, and I was prepared to figuratively hold your hand when and if you ever got there. Over a year of talking and I couldn’t meet you face to face once, your birthday, my birthday, Christmas, etc, it was always a no, you told me you weren’t ready. After all I did for you, be there when shit hit the fan, always, when you needed a ear, when you needed help in general, I was there. All I asked in turn was just to get to know you and grow with you and try to work on something together. After you said no to me at the time I said I’d wait and be patient until you were ready, I waited well over a year, just trying to see you once, to see if it would even work out and I couldn’t get that from you, even as friends. Doesn’t help the fact you told me that you are 20 minutes or so from me, hell you wouldn’t even get on video chat apps to hang out in the meantime to get to really know you, that’s all I really wanted from you, is to get to know you. In the end your actions speak louder than words. You haven’t replied to my last text from over 3 months ago, I get it now, you said it yourself, you regret meeting me, which is all you needed to say. Do I genuinely think you’re a bad person? No. I think you are one of the most beautiful people in the world with a huge heart, who has had a few hard years. If anything, I’m glad I helped you and we stayed in contact as long as we did. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you, but I can say I gave it my all. If I didn’t reach out you never would, so I should have figured it out sooner, but I still believed in you, even now I know you will do great in whatever you do. Your situation did not matter to me, I would have been extremely happy to call you mine and I would have given you the world. I never gave up on you, it’s you who gave up on me.

All in all, I hope you are well and things are getting better for you. I hope things are getting back to some sense of normal.  I doubt I’ll ever hear from you again but as I’d always say, it’ll be good to hear from you ya nerd. If not, genuinely I want you to be happy and I want to see a big smile on your face always, because you’ll always have a place in my heart reserved just for you and you alone.

If you ever come across this, I hope to hear from you again, if not, I wish you nothing but the best,

~Ryan

What is Family? It’s the month of Thanksgiving, the time of the year my depression rears its ugly head. This month is to be spent with a person’s family, and I do have a family I am thankful for but a massive portion of people that used to consider family long ago no longer really consider me family. These lyrics from hip-hop artist VI Seconds from his song 5:30 AM really resonate with me:

“I got it buried in my goddamn brain That family ain’t shit if they don’t act it Our only connection is a last name”

These lyrics resonate with because the last 6 years these words have become more and more true as time has gone on. 6 years ago my family had a falling out with my mother and I and for 6 years we have barely spoke. My aunt stayed angry at my mother for so long and as a result my cousins who I consider sisters with how much time I spent with them growing up. My aunt stayed mad over petty and silly reasons at my mom that she couldn’t have any control over. As a result my aunt and my cousins haven’t spoken to us in 6 years. 2 years ago we found out my aunt had died from one of their neighbors and we weren’t told. By my own family we weren’t told out of spite. To hear that would be devastating but to made to be kept secret from us is downright hurtful. I’ve tried reaching out to my cousins over the last six years trying to extend an olive branch to try to start the mending process to bring us back together. I’ve been told time and time again we’d meet and hash out our issues and try to bridge the gap and begin to heal. Have they ever followed through? No. I’ve learned my oldest cousin is now married and now has a child and her sister is now also married. Was I or my mom invited to any of that or told about it? Nope, not told, out of spite. Family doesn’t hide things from each other like that especially a death in the family. My mom was absolutely crushed with the death of my aunt, knowing that they will never be able to reconcile with one another and mend burned bridges. That will never now happen, we were never able to properly say goodbye to her. All for some petty spite and cruel intent to hurt my mother and I. Do I still consider these people family? For a long time I did as of now it’s a bit of a good question. They don’t/didn’t act like it. Should I? I struggle with that question. I’d like to think so some day that will be true again. For now they aren’t. Our only connection is a last name after all.

What does the above have to do with what I consider family? Easy, my stepdad’s family and my close circle of friends that I’ve know for close to a decade I consider my family more so than my actual family. Ever since day one 17 years ago my stepdad’s family embraced my mom and I from day 1 and that feeling has never changed. Plus my stepdad has acted more like my actual dad than my real dad had ever tried to be. For that I will for ever be grateful to him for that, not for me but more so for my mom, as she now has found someone to be truly happy with. My stepdad’s family would give their shirts off their backs to help each other or my mom and I when ever we would need it. My new family isn’t related to me at all but treat my mom and I more like their own family even before the fallout they accepted us and for that I will always be grateful for that, even more apparent the last 6 years.

My friends are the same way, the ones I met in college, I wouldn’t trade their friendship for anything in the entire world. We are all like brothers and we all have each other’s backs when shit hits the fan and one of us needs help or going through a tough time. We are friends for life, that I know I’m sure of. I love each one of them for one reason, they feel like my family than friends. Family to me now is who you associate with and consider family. They don’t have to be blood related to you or have your last name. As long as they have your back and you theirs and it’s mutual, THAT IS FAMILY,

This Thanksgiving whether you have friends, family, or step family, take a minute to really read this and think to who you consider your REAL family is. I know who I consider my real family, and for them I am forever thankful for each and every person.

Happy Holidays!

~Ryan

My dating experiences have been few and far between and being disabled doesn’t really help the matter much. People always ask me how dating being disabled is. Well let me tell you it seems coupled with my personality, dating for me in a majority of all cases suck, and in general, if I’ve gotten in relationships its been because I had felt the fear of being lonely and only focused on the few people who had an interest in me. Well now that I’m much older and have been through some bad relationships and heartache, being who I am now I know what I want. I know what I want in a person and I know how to treat them. However, it seems harder than ever to find someone who could be interested in me and I’m about to tell you why. This is not a pity party for me or anything of the sort, just insight in what it is like being disabled trying to date a woman.

As stated before in previous posts on my site I, I have mentioned I have Cerebral Palsy. Which I don’t ever hide from someone and am up front about it with any woman I would potentially to get involved with. I have tried many dating sites and always upfront about my disability. People always say to me don’t bring it up right away when talking to a woman, I have to disagree. I would rather be upfront with the person so they know what they are getting into and expect. I would never want to hide that from someone and if they were to find out I had CP, and didn’t sign up for that or what would come with dating someone with it, I wouldn’t want them to not feel comfortable with knowing that after the fact. It’s who I am, I’m not hiding something that literally makes me, well me and something I’ll always live with.

By nature I am very quiet, very shy, and very non-confrontational. I tend to stick to myself a lot and don’t talk to a lot of people outside of my close friends very much either, I’m somewhat anti-social. Growing up with CP didn’t help the development either. You can Read “Living in Limbo” my second post to understand my past and growing up with CP and how it makes me feel, still today. Living with CP and dating also has its challenges, one limitation for me is my inability to drive, which upsets many women I’ve talked to in the past. I could understand if I was a bum with no job or anything going for me but that isn’t the case. I have a job as a Cyber Security Analyst, making good money, a house, and a degree, no children, and am not judgmental of anyone. I am 9/10 more stable than the woman I may talk to and still they see or read I’m disabled and I get friendzoned hard or I get no reply from messages I send to them online. It seems its always like that. It’s always something that goes back to my disability in the end in a majority of the people I’ve talked to. Whether that be my picking of bad people to get involved with or their inability to see past my disability, I don’t know. Probably a good mixture of both to be honest. I don’t mind questions about the disability at all, I’d rather answer a question than someone assume and be ignorant.

I’m not a bad guy, I like music and sports and other things, just like everyone else. Just am a little different from most people. I have my life put together so its hard to really see what the glaring issue when I try to get involved with someone. I’m always told “It’ll happen when it’s meant to OR there is someone out there for everyone” the latter being true, there is someone out there for me. It’s just hard to believe that when you have something held against you before someone talks to you. Hunan nature’s ability to be scared of the unknown is a fascinating subject because its a good synonym when people talk to me for the first time. Most people haven’t dealt with someone with CP let alone probably date someone with it, so it scares them, they fear the unknown, just as what comes with human nature. I tell people to ask questions all the time to help erase that normality that is in today’s society. If people would do that more with me and people with disabilities in general more questions, society would find we are pretty normal and eatable like everyone else. Been single a year and a half, do I want a relationship? Sure. Am I hunting down women left and right for the sake of being in a relationship? I did, but now I know just as people have said, it’ll happen when it happens” and with that I’m fine with that if It means finding someone who can look at me not as a disabled man, but just a man.

~ Ryan

Letting go. A pair of words with so much emotion, ones of sadness, ones of happiness for the one that the pair of words effect. Letting go is sometimes one of the hardest things to do us as humans, sometimes don’t want to do, and ultimately in some cases have to do, whether it be in the best interest for yourself or the other person. Today, it’s time for me to do just that let someone go, from my mind and life, I really never thought going into things, I’d ever have to do.

Last month I wrote about my mental instability perhaps costing me potentially one of the most special relationships I could have with a person. After a year of talking on and off with this person we finally came together, and in the short time we talked together, with you it felt truly right. Maybe it’s because I’m older, and a bit more mature than I was in my early 20s and that is probably true. With you I felt truly myself. You said you didn’t see my disability, that you saw me for who I am, a person, and when you said that, even though others have said it to me, I knew, somehow I knew you truly meant that. That has truly resonated with me to this day. My mental state got the best of me and cost me a relationship, a relationship that had the potential to be truly special, and one I’d had have been truly proud of. I still replay that night in my head and still really wonder what caused you to block me on everything, I’ve gone through our messages everywhere and cant find a really good reason of if I said something hurtful to you or not. Know this if I did, I wish you would have told me and we could have worked it out rather than you block me and throw what we were building away. I know you were going through a hard time and I never meant to hurt you in any way. I sincerely mean that. After not talking to you for over a month, having time to really sit back and think, I never meant to cause you any pain during that time. I just like I said would have liked to talk about what bugged you rather than block me.

Am I angry? No. Am I hurt? To be really honest, it shook me to the core and this broke me in so many ways, it has made me take a good look at myself and I have taken the necessary steps to begin to make myself better> I can say I’ve taken my medication everyday since you left. I made a promise to myself to never let this type of thing happen again. By taking my medicine everyday I have begun the process of making myself better and most importantly taking care of myself. Like I said earlier, losing you shook me to the core, it was a blow to my ego, and my heart. We both said we came back together for a reason finally, never in my wildest dreams did I think it’d be for such a short time, but If that was truly all the time we had, I don’t regret it, you put a smile on my face, you filled my heart with all a man could want, and for that I thank you.

I wish you’d have returned my calls or texts, to try and work this out, but it looks like I might not get a chance to know why you blocked me or what made you mad at me. I’ve told many people this. You’re the one that got away, the one that was someone special, that I knew, that I knew I’d always want. Somewhere in my heart I’m always going to feel that way. I have no ill will towards you, you had to do whats best for you, and if letting go of me is what needed to happen then I hope you can truly find happiness someday, You truly deserve it. Your smile lights up a room. One thing I’ll always wish is that we could have watched all the Star Wars movies together as they are your favorites and I’ve not seem them. That would have been awesome. At the end of the day, no hard feelings, no anger towards you, just a hope you find happiness, and if you do, knowing that you’re happy will make me just as happy if not more so. I hope you have gotten passed your rough time and are starting to find some peace with your big life changes.

Hopefully someday, may our paths cross again, but for now I must let you go.

~Ryan

This week my mental instability may have cost me one of special relationships with one of the most special people I have ever met, and this might be the wake up call I needed to really take mental health and especially my mental health, and make it one of if the most important aspects of my life..

As an older teenager and into my twenties, I lost someone, that at the time was very important to me, and subsequently is the same reason I am writing this today, for another person I might have potentially lost. For the longest time I had always viewed mental health as a joke and told myself it’d never effect me, boy was I wrong. Growing up I have always had a temper, even now, I still do, it rarely rears its ugly head, but it still does from time to time. Fast forward to my late teens to early twenties, my grandmother had been gone 4 years at this point, I met a woman, and grew obsessed, and would constantly text them, and be insecure about her not answering me and growing angry with her. Causing her to disappear and want nothing to do with me. Knowing that I caused that I wanted to seek he;p, because I never wanted that to happen again/

I went to a psychiatric hospital shortly after losing this person, who over healing and of course time, grew to care about less and less, but I still wanted help as I NEVER wanted this situation to happen again. I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar tendencies, similar to my biological father. Part of my anger and depression stems from my inability to grieve properly when my grandmother died and after a few years of going to a psychiatrist, as well as being put on Ability, to this day, I was able to overcome my grandmother’s death and the effect it had on me. During these sessions I dated a girl as well, who like the other girl mentioned, I would constantly text and never let them have their space and I smothered them causing me to lose them in the process as well. During this I wasn’t taking my medicine as I was supposed to and it caused me to fall in my harmful ways of smothering people and constant aggression.

Fast forward two bad girlfriends and a myriad of bad choices in that process here I stand today, Most if not all the drama in my life is finally gone, I’ve got a home and a good paying job. What do I do? Stop taking my medication (Which is a mood stabilizer and anti-depressant) because I think all my drama in my life is gone so I don’t need it anymore, well today I finally see that now is never and should never be the case. For months at a time I haven’t taken my medication, only taking it a few times when I remember to take it. Well as of this week, it was made abundantly clear to me I need to take it everyday and never pick and choose when to take it. This is why…

I use dating sites sometimes to meet people, and seven to eight months ago I saw this girl, and that moment I knew I had to have her. We have talked off and on since then with finally really coming together 2 or so months ago. The time before last she ghosted me and was surprised I still wanted to talk to her again after she had done that to me. Everyone says when you meet or see that person who you just know, you know you will be with, and makes you feel that way that you know. I with this girl I feel that way, and I believe deep down she does as well. We have both talked about the fact we have come back together 3 or 4 times with one another, that maybe there is a reason we are and were meant to come back to one another. This girl, who we will call M, is someone truly special, what her and have is something truly special and we also have both agreed on this as well. M, this week is going through a big life change, and she would be very stressed and very emotional over this time. Now where am I going with this? I havent taken my meds in the better stretch of two months causing my obsessiveness and smothering come into play.

She told me this week she would be stressed and that it would be a busy week for her. Was I supportive? Nope. I constantly text her with no replies and finally this last Wednesday, I scared her away. All because I wouldn’t give her her space and I smothered her to death. Sounds very familiar doesn’t it? I always turn people away when I don’t take my medicine, and if you are a person like I was that only believes you should take medicine for mental issues when you only need it, you need to change your mentality now. It may cost you dearly in the long run. Why am I only realizing this now and not before? To be honest, I really can’t give you a good answer for that.

What M and I have is truly special, she makes me smile and makes my heart sink into my stomach. If I lose her over my inability to give individuals space, I have no one to blame but myself. If I lose M I will no I have lost out on something and someone truly special and for what? I can’t take two minutes to take a little pill everyday to help myself and to help prevent this kind of stuff from happening? Not taking my medication is not an excuse for this in the slightest, I refused to help myself. If I refuse to help myself, I have no room to question or wonder why people leave. If I lose M because I can’t be bothered to help myself, as said I’ll have genuinely lost something and someone special. Most people that know me would know I would never hurt anyone intentionally, but she may not realize it. I don’t mean to smother people or seem like a stalker, I genuinely don’t. If I don’t take my medication and refuse to help myself my impulsiveness gets the better of me and things like this happen.

Do not be like me and don’t take your medication only when you feel like it, do it for others around you so you don’t end up in situations like me, but more importantly do it for yourself, to make yourself better, make smart decisions and live the best life you can.

I want M to come back, I genuinely do, once things settle down my hope is we’ll, down the road come back together again, we both no we have something special with one another, we both felt it. I have to help myself first and see what happens, by giving her space and beginning to take my Abilify every day and have a better mental state. If she doesn’t as said, I’ll have lost out on something truly special and someone who truly special to me that I will never forget. Hopefully one day we’ll meet again… I would really like that… Hopefully when things settle for you M, you’ll come back, I really hope so

Take care of your mental health, learn from my mistakes, and live the best life that you can and hold those tight that you care about, because you never know when they might leave.

From this day forward I swear as a man I will take my medication every day, and I intend to hold my self to that because, if M comes back, or anyone for that matter comes into my life I NEVER want to have this happen again. I never want to have this happen again because I’m too lazy to help myself.

M if you read this, or somehow find this. I am truly sorry I added any stress that you are going through, I meant no ill will toward you. I will give you your space, and hopefully, someday, we’ll come back together as we have done in the past. If I lose you, I want it to be for a good reason, not for a dumb reason such as me being an inconsiderate jerk, with the inability to give you space.

To all who took the time to read this, thank you.

Until Next Time, Take Care of Yourselves and the Ones You Hold Dear,

Ryan

For the last few days I have been reflecting on how 2019 as a year as a whole has been for me personally and the goals I hope to accomplish for 2020. Since I’m listening to the 2009 self-titled Killswitch Engage album and have free time, I thought hey, why not post my thoughts.

2019 as a whole was not a bad year for me from a personal self perspective more of a bad year for things and those around me. 2019 as a whole was very drama free and really was a good year to focus on myself and building a life for myself because just 2 months earlier I had moved in my own home, so I was still learning how to mange everything on my own and be truly independent for the first time ever in my 25 years of living. In January, I had gotten in a relationship with a woman who was 6 years older than me (you do the math) which I should not have gotten into for my own sanity, lesson learned there. I won’t go into the details on that here out of respect of that person but if someone I know finds this blog that I have, someone did on my prior post, that I’m still trying to rack my brain who that is but I digress, Point is if you know me and know I wan in a short 2 month relationship then you know what you know. Other than that hiccup in the year there was only one or two things that really were terrible this year for myself.

Up until May this year I had been on the bench getting paid to do nothing at the parent company where I am a Cybersecurity consultant. Up until that point I had been on the bench 8-9 months, contemplating looking for another job as I had grown noticably frustrated and fed up with nothing to do and nothing to show for it, making it hard to look for another job, making it a double-edged sword in a sense. I was lucky enough to be put on a very good project for a very well known company, where I still am contracted out to today, as I write this. I’ve got 2 pay raises as well as a promotion in my 8 months on the project. I guess as the saying goes “having patience pays dividends” and I guess in this case I can say it has.

My mother has dealt with a major health issue this year, as with the relationship I told people about I will not go into details of her issue out of respect for her privacy, again if you know, you know. For me this really put life into perspective for me, thankfully my mother is doing fine and recovering, but as I’ve always lived by I always take one day at a time and never try to look to far ahead. The two above events this year were about the only things that were awful about this year. Other than that it has been a pretty uneventful, drama free year. Which to me is a good thing as it should be right?

My 2019 goal was really successful for the most part, it was to focus on myself and learn to live truly independent and learn to do everything I can for myself, well for myself. I think for the most part I accomplished that goal for sure. One thing in 2019 I fell short on and in the same breath accomplished something with it is my Twitch goals. They were to be a consistent streamer when I can with work, that I abysmally failed this year. However, I did manage to surpass 500 followers on Twitch, a goal I never expected to hit this year or with how my streams were going on earlier in the year, even next year/ That was a pleasant surprise I can actually and am pretty proud of. I started a podcast with my friends that is fun. We have always thought of doing one and we finally are doing one semi regularly now called the Thugscast. I didn’t have a good sense of a work schedule until I joined the project I’m on so now that I have that I plan on streaming pretty consistently in 2020. With the thought of 2020 in mind, here are some goals I have for myself in 2020.

Goals for 2020

• Spend less money and save more (Spent WAY too much this year)
• Stream and make content on Twitch on a regular basis
• Hit 750-1000 followers on Twitch
• Continue the Thugscast with the squad
• Get my Security + Certification
• Get a Dog
• Continue to work on and improve myself to be a better personal

I’m sure there are more I can add, but that’s all I can think of at the moment.

All in all, was 2019 a really bad year for myself personally? No. Was it one that stood out? No. Did it need to? No. Did I primarily focus on myself to better myself to build a future? Yes, and I think I did a good job at it, not perfect, but definitely a good start in the right direction. I’ve got a steady job, a house, and a degree, I can’t complain. In 2020, take one day at a time and may things, or people come when they may.

Here is to a well hoping 2020 and to all of you reading this happy New Year in a few days!

Let me know your goals for 2020 in the comments section.

Until I come up with another post,

See Ya,

-Ryan

For all my life I have had Cerebral Palsy, since I was born. People always ask me how is it like to have it, and how does it make me feel? Well I’m here to tell exactly how it feels with my type of Cerebral Palsy or CP for short. I say type of CP, well because there is a wide array of different types of CP that one can be diagnosed with. In my case, long medical term coming at you here: Periventricular Leukomalacia, It’s a mouthful I know. To keep it short my CP only effects half of my body, in my case the right side of my body, the left side is completely “normal” When I was born my parents were told I wasn’t going to amount to a whole lot of anything. I was born two months early and did not get enough oxygen to my brain and have three what seem to look like dots on my brain in the shape of a triangle that are 1/1000000th of a pen cap that make my body the way it is.

To continue what my parents were told about my diagnosis, was that again, I would not do or amount to a lot in life as most people with CP are “vegetables and don’t do a lot for themselves”. I’d never feed myself, bathe myself, feed myself or lead any sense of a normal life whatsoever. Growing up I knew I was different, how different being small 5-10 years of age, I did not have full comprehension of how different I was to people.

Now you might be asking yourself, why is this post titled “Living in Limbo”? Well to put it simply I do and this is why: I completely turned my CP diagnosis on its head. How is that you may ask? Well I attended general education in all levels of schooling up to and including college and attaining my bachelors degree in computer science from Purdue University last year, Throughout my life I have always used a walker to help myself in walking for long distances, so in elementary, middle, and high school I always stuck out like a sore thumb in the general education population to most. For people with CP, most of the time they are cognitively deficient in the ways of being able to process and communicate in a normal fashion. For me I was lucky enough to have all my mental faculties and though processes intact, and hey be able to walk on my own, looking very odd while doing so, but hey I can.

In school and in life however people are ignorant and sometimes assume things based on known experience or from others they know. For me being able to do everything anyone can pretty much do people, before getting to know me just looking at me and seeing the walker if I had it with me, 99/100 times thought I was mentally retarded or slow or something in the realm of that. With my CP my motor skills aren’t the greatest, handwriting is awful because of it, although even if I didnt have it I think I’d have terrible handwriting. I have trouble opening things like bags of food, boxes, etc because my hands don’t work the most elegant way possible. I always find an alternative way of doing something if I can’t somehow figure out how to do it the right way.

This might be my personality coupled with my disability, but growing up I had very few friends until my six years in college. I was always percieved as the slow kid in school even though I’m pretty damn sure I’m smarter than at least half of all the classmates I’ve ever had, but I digress. I am now and always have been kind of an anti-social person, most of the time growing up people or kids would not talk to me because, this is a cliché but because I looked vastly different from them so they wanted nothing to do with me. Now am I the only one like me with CP? Hell no. I know people who are exactly like me I can fit in with diagnosis and all. I also have a group of friends from college who are “normal by societal standards” and don’t give a shit that I’m different.

One thing is prevalent in human nature people are afraid of something they don’t know, that can apply with anything if you really think about it. People try to stay in their comfort zone and try not to venture out too far. I applaud those who overcome the fear of the unknown and aren’t afraid to ask people questions. People ask me all the time after they get to know me: “I was afraid I’d upset you by asking about your disability and I didn’t want to do that.” there are people who are disabled who want you to feel bad for them or to pity them or they get offended if people ask them questions. That is a stigma that follows disabled people as a whole and it shouldn’t. I’m the exact opposite of the stigma. If you have a question regardless of what it is I would rather you ask it than assume. Be curious, I never mind talking about my disability and how it effects me. If you ask, you’ll be more open to asking others with disabilities or whatever else piques your mind and not be afraid to open a dialogue with that person. ASK QUESTIONS, be polite at first and who knows you might make a good friend or who knows potentially something more.

Dating and romantic relationships for me are always hard to start. I’m disabled and when women find that out most of the time and then assume they’d have to be my nurse or something ignorant like that. It stems back from above: ASK QUESTIONS don’t be ignorant. I have my own home, job, make good money, and take care of myself. That’s always an issue for a lot of women, not saying all because that’d be a bad generalization that myself as a general term have been a part of. Do I get depressed about it? Sure. Do I wonder sometimes how my life would be as a “normal” person? You bet. Only thing I cant do for myself is drive a car cause my feet totally suck even though I can walk. I Uber everywhere to compensate for stiff I do and places I go. I and people lucky enough to really not be hampered by our disabilities aren’t bums there is just some stuff in my case driving I literally, have no control over. You live with what you have and you try to make the most of what you have.

Now you might be wondering, why did I title this “Living in Limbo”? Simple in my head and it seems in society I’m fully functional in society but disabled so not seen as so but I’m functional enough to be seen as truly disabled, so by that thought I’m stuck in limbo. I don’t truly fit in and for the longest time I was so worried of where I’d fit in. If this is how it is than I’m content with that, I’ve bucked society now been that person, always stood out. Why stop now? I live my life like anyone should and can, am I actually in limb from the above? Might be, might not. If I am, cool, if not so be it. I’m still here living the best life I can with the hand I’ve been dealt determined to write my own story. I won’t be broken, so neither should you.

Until next time,

See ya,

-Ryan