My dating experiences have been few and far between and being disabled doesn’t really help the matter much. People always ask me how dating being disabled is. Well let me tell you it seems coupled with my personality, dating for me in a majority of all cases suck, and in general, if I’ve gotten in relationships its been because I had felt the fear of being lonely and only focused on the few people who had an interest in me. Well now that I’m much older and have been through some bad relationships and heartache, being who I am now I know what I want. I know what I want in a person and I know how to treat them. However, it seems harder than ever to find someone who could be interested in me and I’m about to tell you why. This is not a pity party for me or anything of the sort, just insight in what it is like being disabled trying to date a woman.

As stated before in previous posts on my site I, I have mentioned I have Cerebral Palsy. Which I don’t ever hide from someone and am up front about it with any woman I would potentially to get involved with. I have tried many dating sites and always upfront about my disability. People always say to me don’t bring it up right away when talking to a woman, I have to disagree. I would rather be upfront with the person so they know what they are getting into and expect. I would never want to hide that from someone and if they were to find out I had CP, and didn’t sign up for that or what would come with dating someone with it, I wouldn’t want them to not feel comfortable with knowing that after the fact. It’s who I am, I’m not hiding something that literally makes me, well me and something I’ll always live with.

By nature I am very quiet, very shy, and very non-confrontational. I tend to stick to myself a lot and don’t talk to a lot of people outside of my close friends very much either, I’m somewhat anti-social. Growing up with CP didn’t help the development either. You can Read “Living in Limbo” my second post to understand my past and growing up with CP and how it makes me feel, still today. Living with CP and dating also has its challenges, one limitation for me is my inability to drive, which upsets many women I’ve talked to in the past. I could understand if I was a bum with no job or anything going for me but that isn’t the case. I have a job as a Cyber Security Analyst, making good money, a house, and a degree, no children, and am not judgmental of anyone. I am 9/10 more stable than the woman I may talk to and still they see or read I’m disabled and I get friendzoned hard or I get no reply from messages I send to them online. It seems its always like that. It’s always something that goes back to my disability in the end in a majority of the people I’ve talked to. Whether that be my picking of bad people to get involved with or their inability to see past my disability, I don’t know. Probably a good mixture of both to be honest. I don’t mind questions about the disability at all, I’d rather answer a question than someone assume and be ignorant.

I’m not a bad guy, I like music and sports and other things, just like everyone else. Just am a little different from most people. I have my life put together so its hard to really see what the glaring issue when I try to get involved with someone. I’m always told “It’ll happen when it’s meant to OR there is someone out there for everyone” the latter being true, there is someone out there for me. It’s just hard to believe that when you have something held against you before someone talks to you. Hunan nature’s ability to be scared of the unknown is a fascinating subject because its a good synonym when people talk to me for the first time. Most people haven’t dealt with someone with CP let alone probably date someone with it, so it scares them, they fear the unknown, just as what comes with human nature. I tell people to ask questions all the time to help erase that normality that is in today’s society. If people would do that more with me and people with disabilities in general more questions, society would find we are pretty normal and eatable like everyone else. Been single a year and a half, do I want a relationship? Sure. Am I hunting down women left and right for the sake of being in a relationship? I did, but now I know just as people have said, it’ll happen when it happens” and with that I’m fine with that if It means finding someone who can look at me not as a disabled man, but just a man.

~ Ryan