What is Family? It’s the month of Thanksgiving, the time of the year my depression rears its ugly head. This month is to be spent with a person’s family, and I do have a family I am thankful for but a massive portion of people that used to consider family long ago no longer really consider me family. These lyrics from hip-hop artist VI Seconds from his song 5:30 AM really resonate with me:

“I got it buried in my goddamn brain That family ain’t shit if they don’t act it Our only connection is a last name”

These lyrics resonate with because the last 6 years these words have become more and more true as time has gone on. 6 years ago my family had a falling out with my mother and I and for 6 years we have barely spoke. My aunt stayed angry at my mother for so long and as a result my cousins who I consider sisters with how much time I spent with them growing up. My aunt stayed mad over petty and silly reasons at my mom that she couldn’t have any control over. As a result my aunt and my cousins haven’t spoken to us in 6 years. 2 years ago we found out my aunt had died from one of their neighbors and we weren’t told. By my own family we weren’t told out of spite. To hear that would be devastating but to made to be kept secret from us is downright hurtful. I’ve tried reaching out to my cousins over the last six years trying to extend an olive branch to try to start the mending process to bring us back together. I’ve been told time and time again we’d meet and hash out our issues and try to bridge the gap and begin to heal. Have they ever followed through? No. I’ve learned my oldest cousin is now married and now has a child and her sister is now also married. Was I or my mom invited to any of that or told about it? Nope, not told, out of spite. Family doesn’t hide things from each other like that especially a death in the family. My mom was absolutely crushed with the death of my aunt, knowing that they will never be able to reconcile with one another and mend burned bridges. That will never now happen, we were never able to properly say goodbye to her. All for some petty spite and cruel intent to hurt my mother and I. Do I still consider these people family? For a long time I did as of now it’s a bit of a good question. They don’t/didn’t act like it. Should I? I struggle with that question. I’d like to think so some day that will be true again. For now they aren’t. Our only connection is a last name after all.

What does the above have to do with what I consider family? Easy, my stepdad’s family and my close circle of friends that I’ve know for close to a decade I consider my family more so than my actual family. Ever since day one 17 years ago my stepdad’s family embraced my mom and I from day 1 and that feeling has never changed. Plus my stepdad has acted more like my actual dad than my real dad had ever tried to be. For that I will for ever be grateful to him for that, not for me but more so for my mom, as she now has found someone to be truly happy with. My stepdad’s family would give their shirts off their backs to help each other or my mom and I when ever we would need it. My new family isn’t related to me at all but treat my mom and I more like their own family even before the fallout they accepted us and for that I will always be grateful for that, even more apparent the last 6 years.

My friends are the same way, the ones I met in college, I wouldn’t trade their friendship for anything in the entire world. We are all like brothers and we all have each other’s backs when shit hits the fan and one of us needs help or going through a tough time. We are friends for life, that I know I’m sure of. I love each one of them for one reason, they feel like my family than friends. Family to me now is who you associate with and consider family. They don’t have to be blood related to you or have your last name. As long as they have your back and you theirs and it’s mutual, THAT IS FAMILY,

This Thanksgiving whether you have friends, family, or step family, take a minute to really read this and think to who you consider your REAL family is. I know who I consider my real family, and for them I am forever thankful for each and every person.

Happy Holidays!

~Ryan