It’s been over 3 months since I’ve really talked to you, and over a year since I found you. It’s time to say how I feel, since you haven’t really responded in nearly 3 months it’s time. I just have one question for you, and it is simply, why?

Why? Why did you disappear? You told me you’d be there If I needed you, and you disappeared. All I wanted was to try to build something with you. I know you weren’t ready, at least for me at the time, and I was prepared to figuratively hold your hand when and if you ever got there. Over a year of talking and I couldn’t meet you face to face once, your birthday, my birthday, Christmas, etc, it was always a no, you told me you weren’t ready. After all I did for you, be there when shit hit the fan, always, when you needed a ear, when you needed help in general, I was there. All I asked in turn was just to get to know you and grow with you and try to work on something together. After you said no to me at the time I said I’d wait and be patient until you were ready, I waited well over a year, just trying to see you once, to see if it would even work out and I couldn’t get that from you, even as friends. Doesn’t help the fact you told me that you are 20 minutes or so from me, hell you wouldn’t even get on video chat apps to hang out in the meantime to get to really know you, that’s all I really wanted from you, is to get to know you. In the end your actions speak louder than words. You haven’t replied to my last text from over 3 months ago, I get it now, you said it yourself, you regret meeting me, which is all you needed to say. Do I genuinely think you’re a bad person? No. I think you are one of the most beautiful people in the world with a huge heart, who has had a few hard years. If anything, I’m glad I helped you and we stayed in contact as long as we did. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough for you, but I can say I gave it my all. If I didn’t reach out you never would, so I should have figured it out sooner, but I still believed in you, even now I know you will do great in whatever you do. Your situation did not matter to me, I would have been extremely happy to call you mine and I would have given you the world. I never gave up on you, it’s you who gave up on me.

All in all, I hope you are well and things are getting better for you. I hope things are getting back to some sense of normal.  I doubt I’ll ever hear from you again but as I’d always say, it’ll be good to hear from you ya nerd. If not, genuinely I want you to be happy and I want to see a big smile on your face always, because you’ll always have a place in my heart reserved just for you and you alone.

If you ever come across this, I hope to hear from you again, if not, I wish you nothing but the best,

~Ryan