You probably will never find this, you probably will never read this, but you need to know what I’m about to tell you…

18 years ago we met, for 2 weeks we became close, and for 18 years I never forgot you, I was one of your favorites and you were one of mine. I never ever forgot you. 18 years pass along with no contact, by the way life takes us in different directions and timelines. Then in December 2025, that all changed, after 18 years apart we found each other again by pure accident. that night we started talking to one another, we both said it was so easy to talk to each other and we were both interested in being something more to each other after all this time. Fast forward a few weeks of countless conversations and laughs and the thought we we’re going to be together. Like we both said. We wouldn’t mind if we were each other’s final person. New Year’s Day comes around and you’re there, you’re at my door and you walk in and my heart drops. You walking through my front door meant everything to me, for the first time in a long time, with your hug that night. I truly felt like my heart had found its forever home. We spent the entire day into night laughing and smiling catching up, it felt as though we never left each other, you felt like home. Felt like the woman I had been waiting my entire life for. I told you if I had to go through everything I would do it all over again if it meant I got you at the end of everything. It was all worth it.

I’m sorry I didn’t give you space when you asked for it, I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I should have and from the bottom of my heart you have no idea how I never meant any harm. It’s not an excuse but during that I was off my medication for a week while the pharmacy was slow for 5 days and in those 5 days I totally fucked up the best relationship I could have possibly ever asked for. I even felt off when I wasn’t on it and I was afraid of hurting you. I tried so hard, and even then I’ll admit I tried to do to much to help. You cannot say any message I sent you even when we didn’t speak or you were distant were out of anger. You and I both know that all the messages I ever sent you had genuine, kind intent behind them. Did I fuck up and as mentioned above not listen? You bet. My anxiety off my meds for the short time I was off of it drove me insane. Is it an excuse? No. It is part of the reason though I couldn’t leave you be and it cost us something truly magical between us. For that I am more sorry than you will ever know. Every day I still think of you.

I only wish you would have allowed us to work through our issues instead of just ending things. Were you justified in being upset with me? 100% I believe we could have worked though it and would have became better for it, for each other. You’ve blocked me on social media and you’ve blocked my number and you told me you’re already with someone a few weeks after we quit talking. I genuinely hope you are happy and I wish you all the happiness in the world and if not with me I hope you’re given the world. I won’t lie and still hope one day you’ll come back and still want to be a part of my life. I lost touch with you 18 years ago. in my letter to you after you ended things I asked you to not leave. If you have to I won’t stop you. Always know you’ll have a place in my heart reserved just for you. Simply because I will always have a part of me, that is special to you and only you. I love you and I always will no matter where life takes us both. I just hope it doesn’t take another 18 years to find each other again.

I’m not asking for another chance, I doubt I ever will get one, but if you read this somehow, someday, know you were the best person I could have asked for to be in my life. I will never have anything bad to say about you and haven’t ever said something bad about you.

Katie… I love you, and that will always hold true in some shape or form. Ya cute nerd

After all this time?

Always

~Ryan AKA “Your Dork”